50 Things Hyuuga Neji is Not Allowed to Do
by Emerald707
Summary: In which, is fifty things Hyuuga Neji is no longer allowed to do. Crack!fic, warning of randomness, and humorous traces of yaoi.


**Summery: In which, is fifty things Hyuuga Neji is no longer allowed to do. Crack!fic, warning of randomness, and humerous traces of yaoi.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Neji! However, I do own his hair style.**

**A/N: Yes yes, I know, this is list, and they are techinically not allowed. But stuff the system man, if I wonna post a list I damn well will. Probably won't keep this up for long anyway, its just a humerous list of things I thought related to Neji's personality. This was inspired, of course, by all the other lists similiar to this through out numerous fandoms. No flames for stupid things like the use of yaoi, please.**

**Enjoy!**

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**50 Things Hyuuga Neji is Not Allowed to Do**

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**1.** I am not allowed to eavesdrop.

**2.** I am not allowed to blame others for my actions.

**3.** I am not allowed to correct Sensei, even if I know I am right.

**4.** I am not allowed to walk away when someone is talking to me, because it's rude.

**5.** I am not allowed to tell Genin's there is no Santa Clause.

**6.** I am not allowed to step on toads in the training grounds just so I can watch Jaraiya-sennin cry.

**7.** I am not allowed to shave Akamaru.

**8.** I am not allowed to refer to myself as the future Overlord of the Hyuuga.

**9.** I am not allowed to sing 'Holding Out For A Hero' whenever Uzumaki Naruto enters the room.

**10.** I am not allowed to run around the village screaming "There's a giant asteroid headed for earth! Who's up for end-of-the-world sex?", as it causes riots.

**11.** I am not allowed to call Haruno Sakura insane or delusional, to her face.

**12.** I am not allowed to steal Akasuna no Sasori's puppet-summoning scroll, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

**13.** I am not allowed to use my authority as a Jounin to sneak into my peer's houses and 'confiscate' their things, just because I think they should be mine.

**14.** I am not allowed to strip search all those who enter Konoha, claiming that my Byukagun can see a hidden 'weapon' in their pants.

**15.** I am not allowed to harass kunoichi in their sleep and blame it on Rock Lee.

**16.** I am not allowed to kick people, even if I think they deserve it.

**17.** I am not allowed to tell academy students there are free unicorn rides being giving away in the Forest of Death.

**18.** I am not allowed to leave instructions for facial alteration jutsus on Gai-sensei's desk.

**19.** I am not allowed to leave haircut kits either.

**20.** I am not allowed to wear Akatsuki robes to dinner and shout "Long live Leader-sama!", just because I think it's funny.

**21.** I am not allowed to refer to the deceased Sarutobi Hokage-sama as "That old guy in a dress".

**22.** I am not allowed to sneak into Gai-sensei's home to watch him sing 'I will Survive' in the mirror, as it is disturbing.

**23.** I am not allowed to ask Inuzuka Kiba about the mating habits of canines, because his personal life is none of my business.

**24.** I am not allowed to stand at the entrance of Konohagakure and demand a password from travellers for them to enter, and laugh when they cry because they can't get in.

**25.** I am not allowed to use the Byukagun to look through the clothes of pretty girls... or pretty boys either.

**26.** I am not allowed to know the locations of anyone's secret diary but my own, unless I have sufficient blackmail to get out of trouble for it.

**27.** I am not allowed to have sexual relations with Uzumaki Naruto in his home, because all though people can't see us, they can still hear us.

**28.** I am not allowed to go on and on about how great my ass looks in my training pants, because no one cares.

**29.** I am not allowed to command my teammates to tell me I'm pretty.

**30.** I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my shoulder and tell everyone it's Orochimaru's new curse seal.

**31.** I am not allowed to walk around the Hyuuga compound naked, even if I think I'm the only one there.

**32.** I am not allowed to use whipped cream for anything other than its intended purpose.

**33.** I am not allowed to demand everyone address me as Hyuuga Neji God of Fate.

**34.** I am not allowed to hide my teammate's underpants when on away missions.

**35.** I am not allowed to tell unattractive people they are forbidden to procreate.

**36.** I am not allowed to smack people at random and blame it on a seizure.

**37.** I am not allowed to tell Uzumaki Naruto he's been a bad boy and try to give him a spanking while in the Hokage's office, as this has caused Tsunade-sama to be ill.

**38.** I am not allowed to set people on fire.

**39.** I am not allowed to tell Tenten she looks less and less like a beaver everyday, even if I think it's a complement.

**40.** I am not allowed to barter mission strategy's (or anything else) for sexual favors, because it is unfair to ninja who are horribly unfortunate looking.

**41.** I am not allowed to draw pornographic stick-figure pictures on the back of my mission reports.

**42.** I am not allowed to trip people, and then tell them it was fate that they fall.

**43.** I am not allowed to ask people if they want to see my 'gentle fist'.

**44.** I am not allowed to show up for missions looking disheveled with my clothes torn, and claim I got lost on the way to the Konoha gate.

**45.** I am not allowed to put a loss-of-inhibitions poison in a flask and offer it to the younger members of the Hyuuga house.

**46.** I am not allowed to throw inept Genins off of cliffs, maintaining that they had to learn to save themselves somehow, and claim it worked out fine for Naruto.

**47.** I am not allowed to argue with Uchiha Sasuke about whose vision blood-line limit is superior, as it always ends in one of us crying.

**48.** I am not allowed to call Sabaku no Gaara the 'ninja of love'.

**49.** I am not allowed to send letters to Orochimaru telling him that Sasuke has a secret undying love for him, even if the Uchiha-bastard does the same for me to Gai-Sensei.

**50.** I am not allowed to come onto boys who do not appreciate my advances, as they claim they are straight, even if my reply is "Straight? So's spaghetti until you heat it up!".

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed that random little thing. Happy reading and writing!**

**Flames will be used to light sparklers at a gay pride parade.**

**-Emerald-**


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